All Alone I Seem to Break
by PMK nut
Summary: Brandon "Badger" Mayhew/Jesse Pinkman Jesse is feeling extremely vulnerable after all the shit he's been through and Badger's the only one he wants near him right now. Title: lyric from Alone I Break by Korn
1. Chapter 1

**All Alone I Seem To Break**

**Chapter 1**

_"Jesse, for the love of fuck – this is, like, my 30__th__ message – pick up the goddamn phone and call me back, you asshole. I'm fucking worried about you.."_

Jesse sat in the corner of his giant living room, the subwoofers thundering tunes like an earthquake, making the house vibrate and his bones rattle in his scrawny skin. He sniffed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and called his friend.

_"Jesse! Shit, thank fucking Christ! I seriously thought you were a goner, man - what the hell's going on with you these da-"_

"Badger…can you come over..? Just you, ok? Nobody else." He said, trying desperately to keep his voice steady enough to speak, like he wasn't falling apart over the phone. There was a pause and Jesse felt like his heart was going to disintegrate.

_"Not even Pete?"_

"Badger…please.."

_"Ok, Jess…ok, just stay calm - I'll be right there."_ He said and Jesse hung up, accidently dropping his phone, his hands shaking too badly to hold it anymore. He let out a sob, resting his head back on the thumping wall. He pulled his legs up to his chest and tried not to think for a while.

He didn't hear the knock on his front door but he did hear the sudden aching silence as the subwoofers were turned way the fuck down.

"Fuck, man, how are you not totally deaf yet?"

_Badger. _

Jesse opened his eyes slowly, his head still back against the wall as he looked at his friend. The tall boy was standing over him, frowning. "Shit, bro, you look terrible…" he said, his voice a little softer with concern.

He crouched down in front of Jesse so they were more or less eye-level. "Are you high?" he asked, still frowning, studying his face. Jesse closed his eyes and shook his head, swallowing thickly.

"Clean…" he whispered, his voice husky and trembling. His mouth was dry.

"Christ, Jess, what's wrong?" he asked, leaning towards him, his hand resting almost gently on his jaw, tilting his head to check his face, maybe to look for bruises or, like, signs of possible brain damage.

Jesse didn't understand why his eyes were stinging so much until Badger swore and pulled him into a crushing hug. He felt himself begin to sob but didn't stop it, he needed to cry.

Badger held his friend tightly, feeling all the bones in his fucking body through his over-sized clothes. He'd looked so fucking small curled up in the corner of this big empty house, and _so_ fucking fragile as he trembled and cried in his arms, shaking hands holding onto Badger's jacket.

"Jesse… C'mon, let's get you up, ok?" the larger man asked gently, once Jesse had managed to calm down a little, though his trembling hadn't subsided. Jesse nodded against his shoulder and Badger helped him stand up, holding him securely around his impossibly narrow waist. "Shit, Jess – Pete should give you his nickname... When did you last eat?"

When Jesse didn't respond, Badger sighed, and guided him over to the sofa to sit down. He sat beside him, turning to watch his poor damaged friend. "You look exhausted…why don't you go get some sleep, ok?" Jesse's eyes closed and he shook his head. "Why not?"

"Can't…get it out of my head.." Badger frowned.

"What? Get what out of your head?"

"I…I did something…really bad.." tears were starting to well now but he willed them away.

"Is this something to do with Mr White?" he nodded. "He made you do something?" another nod. Badger felt himself getting angry. "What?"

"I…he made me…" he bit down on his lip.

"C'mon, Jesse, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?" he asked, his hand holding his bone-thin arm through the excessive fabric of his hoodie. Jesse looked at him with tired pale eyes and saw the concern in his face.

Badger saw the pain in his eyes and suddenly felt a pang of fear. "Oh, Jesus, Jess, he didn't…he didn't, like, _hurt_ you, did he?" Jesse understood what he meant and shook his head, needing to get the words out before he exploded.

"I k-killed someone…" he ground out, his teeth clenched as he struggled not to see it again. The look on Gale's face when that bullet entered his skull. "I killed someone." He repeated, like the only thing he could do was say it until it stopped being true. He stared at Badger, eyes wide and full of tears. Badger continued to look back at him steadily. "I _killed_ someone." He said again, his voice crumbling. Badger's jaw clenched and he hugged his friend again, tighter than before, rubbing his bony back and stroking the short soft hair at the back of his head. The sobbing recommended, even more bitter and difficult to hear than before. The trembling got worse and soon Jesse was hyperventilating from anxiety, launching into full-blown panic attack in seconds.

Badger moved away, taking hold of Jesse's face in gentle hands.

"Jesse, look at me, ok? Look into my eyes, man. It's me – Brandon, ok? You see me, right?" Jesse nodded, eyes wide and wet, mouth open as ragged, desperate breathes ripped through him. "Ok, I need you to breathe for me. Deep breaths, Jesse, c'mon, I know you can do it." His eyes closed, starting to feel dizzy, but Badger shook him as firmly as he was willing to, so he'd open his eyes again. "Stay with me, buddy. Take a deep breath, ok? In, Jess, breathe it in. Do the same as me, c'mon." he took a deep breath himself, trying to show Jesse what do to.

The big eyes opened again and he tried it, sucking in as much oxygen as he could through his seemingly closed throat, the inhale shuddering and jolty. "That's good, buddy, and out again?" the air left him a little easier, but he was still panicking. "In, ok? Nice big breath in." Jesse nodded against his hands, doing as he was told, Badger doing it with him "Awesome, and out." They both breathed out together. This continued for another few breaths, Badger coaching Jesse every in and out until his breathing finally slowed, getting itself back to normal.

"Shit…fuck, s-sorry, I..-" he said after a moment, looking down, his face bright red with shame.

"'S cool, man, I used to have to do it a lot when you got high." He said, rubbing Jesse's back. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to stop touching his friend.

"You…you did..?" Jesse asked, looking at him again with wide eyes. Badger smiled and nodded.

"Yep, you used to freak out a lot. It got worse when you started cooking and pretty much kept getting worse right up until you stopped using. When you did, I'd help you breathe, Combo would get you something to eat and Pete would get you coffee or a glass of water or some shit. We were like your fucking nannies, dude." He said with a smile, like he hadn't minded at all. Jesse sighed, embarrassed beyond belief, dragging a hand over his face.

"Oh God… I-I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Jesse, we didn't mind – happy to do it. You're our friend, friends do that shit when their buddy's hurtin'." He said with a smile, affectionately pressing his fist to Jesse's jaw, making Jesse laugh, albeit weakly. "So…you're not doin' too good, huh?" Badger asked. Jesse sighed, nibbling his lip.

"You could say that…"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No…" he said, softly.

"You wanna watch WWE?" he asked. Jesse looked at him and smiled, nodding. Badger grinned and leaned back so he was facing the TV. Jesse stayed sitting forward, the space between his eyebrows creased and his jaw tight. Badger sighed and grabbed the smaller man's hood, pulling him down so his head was against his own chest. "Relax, buddy, you're safe with me." He said, feeling Jesse tense at the contact. Jesse looked at him with an alarmed frown but, seeing Badger looking comfortable and smiling made him feel a little more at ease.

Badger wrapped one heavy arm around his friend's bony shoulders, rubbing his back. "It'll get better, Jess, you'll see.." he said softly, flicking through the channels. Jesse closed his sore eyes and let his mind drift, enjoying the warmth and security of his friend's embrace.

When Jesse woke up, Badger was asleep. His arm was still wrapped around Jesse but his hand had fallen down from his shoulder to rest on his side, between his ribs and his hip. His head was back against the sofa, mouth open as he snored softly. Jesse shifted, realising he'd curled up on the sofa, burying his face in Badger's chest like he was fucking 6 years old.

Jesse actually felt good, he hadn't slept that well in months, even if it was only for a couple of hours. Usually he got maybe twenty minutes before the nightmares clawed him back.

Leaving Badger asleep on his sofa, he went upstairs and took a shower, changed into a clean T-shirt, hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He then returned downstairs and went into the kitchen to see if he had any food. The answer was no, besides a bag of Funyuns and a jar of pickles. Jesse sighed and went back to Badger, who was just waking up. The larger boy looked up at him with sleep-bleared eyes, stretching himself and cracking his neck.

"Hey, buddy, you ok?"

"Uh, yeah… Hey, thanks for…ya know, that.." Badger smiled.

"S'ok, man. Happy to help. Shit, when you fell asleep and got all curled up, so fucking adorable." He said with a grin. Jesse tried not to blush. "So, you got any food?"

"No, I just checked – all I got is Funyuns and pickles."

"Well, as much as I dig Funyuns, we gotta get some actual food into you, bro. Yo, let's go to a diner or somethin'." he said, getting up. Jesse smiled and nodded, pulling on his sneakers.

They went in Badger's car, since Jesse didn't trust himself behind the wheel of a vehicle right now. "Did you take a shower?" Badger asked Jesse on the way, glancing over at him. Jesse looked at him with a frown, nodding.

"Yeah…" he said slowly. Badger smirked.

"You just smell good, that's all." He said. Jesse looked at him curiously for a moment before turning away, trying to stop himself smiling like a dork. "So, Denny's?"

"Sure, I guess."

"You hungry?"

"Not really." Badger glared at him.

"Jess, seriously, when did you last eat?"

"I don't know... Coupla days ago, I guess. I'm just not hungry."

"That's totally not healthy, bro. Why aren't you hungry?" Jesse shrugged, resting his forehead against the cool glass of the window. Badger frowned at his friend, while trying to concentrate on the road.

They arrived at the closest Denny's and went in, sitting in a booth by the window. Badger instantly started reading the menu, Jesse just hunched over the table, head down, running a fingernail back on forth through the hair behind his ear. Badger was seriously worried about his buddy.

"What do you want to eat, man?" he asked him, practically shoving a menu under his face so he would look at it. Jesse forced himself to sit up, looking over the menu with uninterested eyes. "Anything, you name it, my treat."

"I'll pay, it's cool.." Jesse said with a frown, eyes searching for something he thought he could stomach.

"Hey there, can I get you boys some coffee?" A waitress asked, standing over them with a smile.

"Uh, yeah – decaf, if you got it, for him. I'll have some regular, please." Badger replied with a smile. She nodded, filling his mug before going off to get the decaf.

"Why'd you get me decaf?" Jesse asked, not angry just curious.

"Dude, that little catnap wasn't nearly enough sleep – don't want anything stimulatin' ya so you can't sleep."

"I can't sleep anyway."

"You slept before, right? That's progress."

"Yeah…that was weird.." he mumbled, thinking about it and finding it bizarre really. He hadn't slept like that since before Jane died, and it had only gotten worse after Gale. "Maybe it's 'cause…." He trailed off. No, that's stupid.

"What? 'Cause what?" he urged. A blush was started to heat Jesse's cheeks.

"Um, 'cause you were there… I…I felt, like, safe.." Badger made a face like he was watching a cute cat video and reached over, laying his hand on Jesse's shoulder.

"Aw, dude.." he said. It wasn't patronising or sarcastic or anything like that. It was genuine, Badger was actually feeling for Jesse as a friend does, a very close old friend. "You want me to, like, stay over for a coupla days? Keep you company, maybe?" Jesse looked at him with wide eyes, but they snapped back down to the table when the waitress returned to fill up his cup.

"Ready to order?" she asked candidly.

"Yeah, I'll have the Lumberjack Slam and, uh, Jess? You gonna eat anything?"

"Um, I'll just have a muffin – no butter or nothin' - and a coupla bits of bacon, please."

"Alrighty, thank you. Your food will be with you shortly."

"Thanks." Badger said, putting the menus back in their place as she walked off, before leaning back in his seat. "So, what do you think?"

"'Bout what?" Jesse asked, filling his coffee with like 15 sugars. Badger frowned at him for a moment then continued.

"Me staying over for a while, 'til you start feelin' better, you know? Or would you rather stay with me?"

"Um, no, man - don't worry about it, I'm fine." Jesse said, shaking his head. He was desperate not to be alone right now, he'd even considered calling Mr White, but he didn't want to be needy and pathetic, no more than he felt anyway.

"It's no problem, dude, I wanna help you." He said, leaning forward again. Jesse looked at him and saw he was telling the truth. He sighed.

"Ok, I guess…but my place..?" Badger grinned and nodded.

"Whatever you want. We're gonna have to get your fridge stocked, though, man. We can't be doing diners and take-out all the time." Jesse nodded, drinking his coffee. It tasted gross, he hated coffee, but at least it was something.

Their meals arrived quickly and they started eating: Badger steadily ploughing through his huge stack of pancakes, ham, sausages, eggs, bacon, hash browns, and bread, and Jesse picking at his two pieces of bacon and dry English muffin. They stayed until Badger was satisfied Jesse had enough in his stomach – two strips of bacon, half the muffin and a slice of Badger's bread – to survive until his next meal.

**How are we feeling so far guys? Please review and follow me for updates and other stories!**

**PMKnut xx **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Badger drove them home and they returned to their seats on the sofa. Jesse's stomach felt full despite it being the least amount he'd ever eaten in a Denny's ever, and he was uncomfortable about how much shit he was putting Badger through.

"Hey, I know, let's get groceries delivered, yo. That way we don't have to go to a store for two hours, we just order it online and they bring it to us." Badger suggested after an hour or so, grinning like it was the best idea ever. Jesse looked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah, ok…I'll go get my laptop.." he said, about to get up but Badger stood up quicker.

"It's ok, bro, I'll get it." Jesse was starting to get a little pissed off with this whole babying thing.

"I'm not freaking disabled, Badger, I can-"

"I know, Jess, I just…I want to do stuff for you, 'til you get better, you know?" he looked sad and guilty and determined. Jesse sighed.

"Fine, whatever… It's in my room, under the bed.." he muttered and Badger nodded, heading off.

Digging around Jesse's room, Badger soon found his laptop, new and well kept, high tech like the speakers in the living room. Jesse was rich, ridiculously so, but desperately unhappy.

Badger returned, Jesse flicking through channels restlessly.

"Oh wait, dude, go back – Takeshi's Castle was on!" Jesse frowned, back tracking.

"What the fuck's that?"

"Yeah, that one. It's this crazy Japanese game show – it's fuckin' awesome, yo. They rerun it all the time." Badger said with a chuckle, dropping heavily onto the sofa. He opened Jesse's laptop and quickly found an internet browser. "Ok, Walmart…so, what do you wanna get? Basics?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Jesse said.

"So…chicken, tacos, spaghetti, onions…tomatoes, noodles…bread, butter, fries, microwave meals…?" Jesse just nodded blankly. Badger started ordering, not really thinking about price since Jesse was loaded. "Yo, dude, you got a credit card?" Jesse looked at him and shook his head. "S'cool, man, use mine and you can pay me cash…that ok?" Jesse nodded, glancing at the laptop screen. Badger saw and handed the laptop to him "Choose what you want, bro, it's for you." Jesse frowned at the screen, concentrating. Badger found him cute, always thinking so hard, and returned his attention to the screen, in time to watch a Japanese man wearing very small white shorts run straight into a brick wall.

He let out a laugh, the sound making Jesse instantly relax. Jesse leaned back into the sofa, watching the show over his laptop while he choose food. He did feel a lot better after the nap and some food inside him.

After another twenty minutes, Jesse was done with his food order and he handed the laptop back to Badger to fill in his credit card details.

"Ok, awesome, it's ordered. It'll be here tomorrow afternoon, between…3 and 4." Badger reported with a grin. Jesse smiled and nodded

"Thanks, man - I'll get you the money now.." he said, getting up and heading upstairs. He grabbed a stack of bills from the bottom drawer without even looking how much it was and went back down. He dropped the stack on Badger's lap, falling back into his seat. That journey actually wore him out, the fuck is this shit.

"Whoa, dude, the groceries only cost 90 bucks." Badger said, holding up the cash. Jesse looked at him

"So?"

"This is 5 grand." Badger said, incredulously staring at his friend. How is he not getting this?

"Oh." Ok, he got it. He shrugged. "Keep the change." He said, resting his head back against the sofa.

"No way, dude, this is fucking crazy." Badger said, shaking his head. He pulled two $50 bills out of the stack and dropped it back on Jesse, then got his own wallet out of his jeans and removed $10, giving that to Jesse. Jesse picked up both, frowning, utterly confused.

"Why won't you take it? It…it's to thank you for staying with me.." he asked. Why did he want to cry?

"I'm here for you because you're my friend, Jess. You don't have to pay me! I _want_ to be here." He said, his eyes wide and sincere. Jesse looked at him, like he didn't understand, but he sighed, looking back at the TV.

"Whatever, man." He said, sliding the 10 into the stack's binding and putting it on the coffee table. Badger smirked at him, watching the TV again too. They ordered pizzas around 6, it wasn't ideal but there was no food and a little grease never hurt anybody, at least Jesse actually ate it.

"You tired yet, buddy?" Badger asked after a super loud yawn around 10. Jesse was always tired. He nodded. "Wanna go to bed?"

"Uh…yeah, ok." He muttered.

He felt weird about Badger asking him if he wanted to go to bed - it was somewhere between babysitter and husband.

Badger turned off the TV got up, heading upstairs to Jesse's room. Jesse froze. Would they be in bed together? There wasn't another usable bedroom, and his Aunt's old room was definitely haunted.

Shit, were they going to cuddle like they were a fucking couple? Jesse was a snuggly sleeper, he was almost certainly going to end up right up against Badger and Badger was going to think he was a total weirdo.

He quickly followed Badger, finding him standing in his room and only wearing boxers and a shirt. He turned to Jesse when he arrived and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, man, I don't have any other clothes here. I can wear jeans if you want..?" he said like he really didn't want to.

"Uh, whatever, man, I don't care.." he mumbled, demurely turning away and pulling off his own pants and hoodie, keeping his boxers and T-shirt on, even though he usually slept in just undies or less. Badger clambered into Jesse's king sized bed that always felt oppressively huge when he was in it alone. Jesse tried not to listen to his heart pounding in his ears as he got into bed too, lying down with his back to Badger. "Night."

"Yeah, night, bro." Badger said, turning out the lamp and settling down. Jesse appreciated his warmth under the comforter, the weight of his body making the bed dip behind him. He felt comfortable in his own bed for the first time in a long time and he was asleep in a matter of seconds.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Long chapter to make up for how short 2 was!**

Badger woke up feeling warm and seriously comfy. Jesse's mattress must be memory foam, that shit was awesome.

Brandon yawned and blinked his eyes open, squinting against the daylight. He looked down and saw Jesse's head resting underneath his own, their arms wrapped around each other as they lay facing each other, their bodies very close. Why was Jesse so fucking cute?

Maybe he should have pulled away, freaked out that they were all snuggled up together like a goddamn married couple, but he didn't. He actually pulled Jesse closer, wrapping his arms around his buddy's super slim waist – so much so that it would've almost felt like hugging a girl, if he wasn't so bony – and closed his eyes again.

He waited, pretending to be asleep, until Jesse finally woke up over an hour later. He made a fucking adorable noise, somewhere between content and confused, like '_hmm…?'_. He stretched a little in Badger's arms like a cat, then seemed to realise what was happening and sat up, jolting Badger so he decided now would be a good time to 'wake up'.

"Mmm…Jess..?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he squinted up. Jesse was looking at him, eyes wide.

"What…what..?" he said dumbly. Badger frowned innocently then looked down at how close they were and chuckled

"Oh, shit, sorry - I guess we both got a little cold last night."

"But…but your…and…we were…" he trailed off, pointing at the bed with a bemused expression.

"Snuggling?" Badger supplied helpfully. Jesse got out of bed a little too hastily to not slightly offend Badger.

"Um…ok, why aren't you freaking out..?" he asked, moving around uncomfortably, rubbing at his exposed arms like he didn't know what to do. Badger had always wondered how he had so much restless energy.

"I guess 'cause it felt pretty, like, good…" Badger said with a shrug, sitting up. "It was nice, right? For a second?" Jesse stared at him, large pale eyes confused, then the turquoise gaze dropped and he stopped squirming, standing still, shoulders a little hunched, one hand gripping his tattooed wrist.

"I guess…I've never woken up feeling that…uh…"

"Safe?" he supplied again, smiling. Jesse was never much of a wordsmith. Jesse glanced at him then back down and nodded, biting his lip to hide his smile. Badger's heart swelled at that, he was so fucking cute.

Badger found himself getting up, going over to Jesse. He gently put his hand on the bony shoulder, feeling him flinch. "It's ok, Jess, it felt really freakin' good, you know? There's nothin' weird or wrong with it." Jesse looked nervous and he shrugged Badger's hand off to head to the bathroom.

"I'm…um, shower…" he mumbled, before shutting himself in. Badger sighed. He knew the direct approach wouldn't work, Jesse was like a startled deer – any sudden movements and he'd scamper away, hide somewhere safe.

He knocked on the door.

"Jess…I'll be downstairs…ok?"

Jesse let out a shaky breath and nodded, then realised Badger couldn't see him…at least he hoped not.

"O-ok…yeah.." he replied, his voice shaking. He heard Badger leave and head downstairs, finally letting himself breathe. "Shit.." he hissed, looking down at himself. "_Fuck_." He quickly stripped and got under the cold water, his entire body tensing at the shock. "Sit the fuck down, stupid dick..!" he growled downwards, but his aching erection continued standing proud.

This was way more than just morning wood.

Ok, change of tactic.

Jesse turned the temperature way the fuck up, taking hold of his dick in one hand.

"_Fuck_ you.." he muttered at his dick, gritting his teeth. He stroked himself hard and frantic, his climax building a lot faster than usual. Maybe it was the new energy from having eaten actual meals yesterday, or maybe he was just gay now, which, Jesus, he did not need right now.

He finished quickly but without relief, too consumed with getting an erection from being snuggling into bed with _Badger_ of all _fucking_ people.

Jesse, still panting, washed himself quickly then got out and dressed. He went downstairs, wearing baggy jeans, his biggest shirt and biggest hoodie, to find Badger chomping on leftover pizza in the living room.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked when Jesse appeared. Jesse nodded quickly, escaping into the kitchen. He knew Badger would see that he was being weird but he couldn't help it, this was all kinds of weird.

Maybe they should talk it out, maybe Jesse should be honest. Maybe he should just climb onto Badger's lap and make out with him until they're dry humping or not even dry.

"Oh my God." Jesse said out loud to his own brain.

"Dude, are you talkin' to yourself?" Badger asked, ducking into the room - yes he had to duck because this house was built for short people apparently. Jesse didn't need to duck.

"Uh, yeah, kinda."

"You in here 'cause you're hungry?"

"Um…yeah.." Jesse said, realising that made more sense than hiding from Badger because _hey, looky here - Jesse's gay now, according to his cock. Or bi, maybe?_

"Ok. Well, I ate the last piece of pizza and the food's not coming for another five hours so I guess…Denny's?" Badger asked with a grin. Jesse sighed and nodded.

"Sure.." he said.

They sat in the exact same booth as yesterday. Badger got another Lumberjack Slam but this time he coerced Jesse into getting a French Toast Breakfast and Jeese also chose a chocolate milkshake, causing Badger to comment affectionately _"What are you, like, 12?" _and making Jesse laugh_._

After breakfast, which Jesse actually almost finished after a lot of will power, they decided to get a little fresh air. Badger drove them to a park and they wandered around a little, trying not to make any parents suspicious which was what usually happened.

"Damn, I wish I had a dog. Then people wouldn't look at me like I'm either gonna rape their kids or sell them meth." Badger muttered, shaking his head. Jesse smiled, but it was a good idea.

"But not like a Pit Bull or somethin' – don't wanna feed the stereotype." Badger chuckled.

"Yeah, true – or a Rottweiler. What about a poodle?" he suggested, making Jesse laugh.

"I think that might make it worse." He said. "A retriever or something would be ok. Or a little dog, like a Jack Russell?"

"Nah, I hate those things – so annoying. My nana used to have one, wanted to kick it so hard." He said, Jesse hissed out a laugh, wrinkling his nose. Badger tried not to notice it. "I always liked German Shepherds though – they're so fuckin' fluffy, ya know?" Jesse nodded, grinning.

"Totally."

"Looks like it's gonna rain, dude." Badger commented, noticing at a menacing-looking cloud that was beginning to loom. The big blue eyes moved to look at the sky, his long neck tilted back to see.

"Oh, yeah – you wanna head back?"

"I guess so. Hey, let's stop at my place and grab my Xbox, yo."

"Sure, man. Oh, hey, can you set my PlayStation up? I can't do it." Badger laughed and nodded.

"No problem, buddy." He said, patting Jesse's bony shoulder. "Let's go before it starts shitting all over us." He said, flattening his hand on Jesse's back. Again, he was unwilling to stop touching him.

"You mean pissing, right?" Jesse asked, frowning as they headed back to Badger's car, children and parents scattering too as thunder began to rumble overhead. Badger frowned and looked at him.

"Huh?"

"You said before it starts 'shitting'…don't you mean pissing?"

"What the fuck are you talkin' about, bro?"

"Dude, shit is, like, solid – rain is totally piss."

"So, by that logic…is hail shit? 'Cause it would go, you know, 'plop' when it hit a lake or somethin'?" Jesse looked at him with a frown, then they both burst out laughing.

"Shut the fuck up, man..!" Jesse said, still laughing. They returned to the car and got in, just as the first drops started falling. They were still chuckling as they sat there, listening to the metallic drumming as the rain hit the car's roof, splattering gently on the wind-screen.

Badger drove them to his mom's place, who he told what was going on, Jesse greeted her politely and she gave them brownies. Badger grabbed a bagful of clothes and his toothbrush etc as well as his Xbox and a load of games before they returned to Jesse's sofa.

The groceries arrived half an hour later and the two of them helped the delivery guy move the food into the kitchen, covering the central island in bags. Jesse tipped him 50 bucks, because he had been a cool guy, and they got to work putting everything away. Most of it was freezer food, so they loaded small stuff into the icebox then put the rest in the larger freezer under one of the counters, filling other cupboards with dry stuff.

After that, Jesse made them both mac and cheese, since they were both starving, and they watched TV while they ate.

"Shit, dude, this is _good_." Badger said, shovelling it into his mouth. Jesse stared at him with a grossed-out expression.

"Badger, breathe. Are you even chewing?" he asked, laughing. Badger swallowed noisily, looking at his friend with a wide eyes.

"This is fucking amazing, yo – since when were you this damn good at cooking?" Jesse blushed and shrugged, eating his own dinner slower and more civilly than his friend.

"It tastes like the way Aunt Ginny made it, I guess I learned it from her.." he said, eyes lifting to watch the screen. Badger felt a pang of sadness at that, Jesse had been really close with his aunt, even more so before she got sick. When his dickhead parents kicked him out of the house and he went to live with her, both Badger and Skinny had noticed a change in their friend: he was happier, more relaxed, and he actually asked them to come over sometimes, which never happened when he lived with his folks.

"Your aunt was awesome, dude." Badger said. Jesse smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, totally. Remember the cookies she used to make us?" he asked and Badger nodded, with a 'do I ever!' expression. "She gave me the recipe." He said, like it was a secret, leaning a little closer with a mischievous little grin. Badger's eyes widened.

"Are…are you fucking kidding me? Dude…you have to make 'em.." he said, like life itself depended on it. Jesse grinned but shook his head.

"We didn't buy any of the ingredients." He said.

"Then let's go to the store! It'll still be open-"

"Dude, calm your tits – we can go tomorrow, I've had enough outside for today.." he said with a small laugh, rubbing a hand over his face. He was tired already and it was only just getting dark.

"Ok, but you have to make them tomorrow, those cookies were the shit, yo." Jesse nodded, sitting back and crossing his legs on the sofa, his half-eaten pasta in his lap as he ate and watched TV. Badger's food was gone in less than 30 seconds and he put the empty plate down, sitting back and putting his arm along the back of the sofa to get comfy, his hand ending up just behind Jesse's head.

His hand absently brushed the back of his head and he looked round, rubbing over it with the palm of his hand. Jesse looked at him, frowning.

"Why are you petting me?" he asked.

"Your hair is, like, hella soft, man." He said, still stroking the silky suede of his buddy's head.

"Uh, yeah, I'm growing it out again.." he said, shrugging. Badger smiled, secretly glad. Jesse's whole shaven head thing was badass but it didn't suit his personality, just his job.

"Cool.." he said nonchalantly, forcing himself to put his hand back down. He glanced out the window, just in time to see a flash of lightening. "Shit, it's really stormin' out there.." he muttered. Jesse looked too and sighed.

"Shit, I hope the power don't go out, the grid sucks here…" he muttered.

"Aww, crap, yeah..! Do you got, like, lanterns or candles or somethin', just in case…?" Jesse sighed, thinking about it.

"Uh…yeah, my Aunt kept all that shit, uh…" he trailed off, standing up and going into the kitchen. Badger followed, wanting to help. Jesse was crouched down in front of an open cabinet, his head and shoulders almost inside as he dug through various pointless items his Aunt liked to hoard: sponges, mop heads, newspapers, half-filled vessels of bleach and cleaning product.

Badger was surprised at how good Jesse's ass looked: the way his back was curved to reach further into the cupboard made his butt the highest point of his body.

"Need help?" he asked. Jesse jumped at his voice, bumping his head on the cupboard ceiling.

"Ow, fuck..!" he groaned as he crawled out of the cupboard, rubbing the back of his skull. "Uh, nah, man, I'm good… Can you go up to my aunt's old room and see if you can find some candles? She kept them, like, all over.." Badger chuckled and nodded, heading up to look.

He opened the closed bedroom door, feeling a little awkward about it since he knew Jesse never went in. It was your typical old lady bedroom, all pink and beige and knickknacks, but there was also stuff like medical equipment – the bed was one of those with the remote to move it up and down like in hospitals, and an IV stand and big gray machines that Badger assumed were heart monitors or something.

Badger couldn't remember if she'd died in hospital or here…either way, it really hurt Jesse. Skinny Pete had told him when it happened, Jesse almost ended up in a crack house but Combo had made him stay with him. They all really liked Jesse and felt like they had to protect him, and now that Combo was gone, Badger himself felt it necessary to fill his role as well as his own.

He grabbed a load of the candles that decorated almost ever surface, and went back down. Jesse was still in the kitchen, putting batteries in the two storm lanterns he'd dug out.

"Yo," Badger said, coming into the kitchen, Jesse looked up "Jackpot." He said, grinning. Jesse smirked, picking up the two lanterns and they went into the living room. The wind was getting worse and the lights were already starting to flicker.

"Shit, we'd better hurry, bro. Put 'em on the table.." he said, setting the lanterns by the couch and grabbed his lighter from beside the ashtray. Badger stood the candles on the coffee table, clustering them in groups and spacing the groups, then put some by the TV and on the window sill. While Jesse was going around lighting them, the power finally cut out. They both sighed and Badger turned on one of the lanterns so Jesse could finish lighting the rest of the candles.

When he was done, they sat down again, looking around.

"Shit, dude, it's hella cosy in here now." Badger said with a grin. Jesse chuckled, nodding.

"Yeah, reminds me when the power went out at home… We'd all sit in the living room on the floor and play board games and shit, it was awesome.." Badger smiled.

"Yeah, we did that too. Unless my Nintendo was charged." He said and they both laughed. "So, what shall we do now? No TV now." Jesse sighed.

"Shit, I dunno… Wanna play Would You Rather?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Aww, dude, I got you now. Would you rather have boobs for feet or feet for boobs?"

"What the fuck, man? Where do you come up with this shit?" Jesse asked, laughing. They had emptied the freezer of ice and put it all in a cooler along with a couple dozen beers. They were sitting on the sofa, hanging out. They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, leaning against the arms, with their feet up close together to keep warm since the heat was out.

Badger laughed, his head going back, his voice loud and warm.

"Answer the question, dude, don't be all evasive. Feet for boobs or boobs for feet?" he said, grinning at his buddy. Jesse hissed a laugh, rubbing his eyes, then titled his head back to think, rubbing his arms.

"Ok, Jesus… Let's see, well, boobs are like super sensitive so feet for boobs would be so painful so, like, comfort-wise I'm going for feet for boobs." He said, grinning. Badger laughed.

"But then you'd have like the toes movin' around under your shirt. And you'd have like 30 nails to cut too."

"Wait, would they have ankles or would it just be the foot part?"

"Shit, I don't know, dude." He said, both laughing. "You think of one." He said. Jesse sighed.

"I can't think of anymore, dude, you go again." He said. Badger grinned and cast his eyes skywards as he concocted a new ultimatum. They he cackled and looked at Jesse.

"Ok, uh…would you rather make out with the chick from the Exorcist or Mr White?" he asked, grinning. Jesse's face became the picture of disgust and he groaned loudly, covering his face but laughing a little.

"Oh my God, you're such a freak, I think I just puked in my mouth a little."

"Answer it, dude. Bear in mind, the Exorcist chick is covered in that green shit and her tongue goes totally down your throat. And Mr White is in just the hat, glasses and tighty-whities. " Jesse made a disgusted face and shivered.

"Holy fuck…Exorcist chick, hands down. _Anything _is better than Mr White.." he said, shaking his head. Badger laughed.

"Gross, bro."

"Ok, I got one. Would you rather make out with: me or Skinny Pete?"

"You, dude, totally obvious."

"What? How is it obvious?"

"Bro, you're like the Beyoncé of all of us, like, aesthetically and shit. Think who'd give me a better rep."

"So you'd make out with me for street cred? That's cold, dude." He said, jokily.

"Nah, bro, I'd _sleep_ with you for street cred." He said, laughing, but Jesse looked surprised.

"What the hell, man? What's that supposed to mean..?" he asked, suddenly nervous. Badger frowned at his reaction.

"Jess…I was kidding, just jokin' around.." he said. Jesse looked down, shoulders tense. "Jesse, what's wrong? You were weird this morning too." He said. Jesse glanced at him, then back down.

"I guess I'm just…I don't know.."

"Is it…do you think, 'cause you've been, like, alone so much and…us together all the time...I mean, you know, it's only natural."

"No, that's not-" Jesse said, getting flustered, his face felt extremely hot. "I-I'm not gay for you, dude, Jesus..-" Badger could see he'd gone too far again and tried to soothe his nervous friend.

"Dude, chill, it's ok. It's just, like, biology." He said, his eyes soft. Jesse looked down, rubbing his wrist anxiously.

"I'm sorry, Badger, I know this is weird – I totally understand if you wanna go home and-"

"No way, Jess, I'm staying with you whether you like it or not." He said with a gentle smile. "I'm not having your death on my conscience." He said with a chuckle. Jesse smiled weakly but continued looking down. "Ok, so, what now?" he asked with a sigh.

Jesse looked up at him with a weird look. Badger frowned. "What?"

Before he even realised what was happening, Jesse had leaned over and pressed his lips against Badger's. The lips didn't move for a moment, and his body went still for a second, then a large hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him forward. He broke away and found himself clumsily straddling Badger's lap.

He looked down at him, utterly confused. Badger looked confused too. Then they were kissing again, and Badger's hands were on his ass. He was suddenly very hot but he felt the need to start taking Badger's clothes off first.

He tugged on the zipper of Badger's hoodie, pulling down so the clasp separated. Badger's hand moved up Jesse's back, under his shirt. Jesse gasped at the skin-to-skin contact and their kiss broke, staring at each other in surprise.

"What?" Badger asked, panting.

"N-nothing, I just-" he said, eyes wide and scared. Badger smiled, and removed his hands from under his shirt, settling them on his jean-covered hips.

"We don't have to." He said softly. "Not if you don't want to."

"You…you want to..? I mean, with me? Really?" he asked, his mind confused.

"Uh, yeah, dude – shit, I was trying to be subtle.." he said, rubbing his thumbs along the sharpness of Jesse's hipbones. Jesse continued frowning, Badger grinned and kissed his lips gently. "I've always wanted to, Jess.." he said, looking down then back up at him. Jesse looked shocked and confused again. Badger just laughed and kissed him again, pulling him by the ass so they were even closer.

"Wait…you…you have..? Really…?" Jesse asked, looking at him. Badger smiled a little sheepishly and shrugged, nodding.

"Uh, yeah, I think so… I mean, maybe not always, like, consciously but…I don't know, I've just always…- Like, I like Pete too but, like, with you it's, like, _totally_ different."

"Like…how you feel about girls?" Jesse asked, settling down to sit on his lap, looking at him gently.

"Nah, it's more than that, like, way more… I don't know, I can't explain it." He said, looking at Jesse with the most genuinely loving look he'd ever seen and Jesse suddenly felt overwhelmed. No one had _ever_ looked at him like that, not even close. Jesse stared at him for a second, then hugged him around his neck, burying his face against Badger's neck. Badger hugged him, rubbing his back. "Jess..?"

"Shut up…just…thank you…" he whispered. "Thank you, Badger…" he said, his fingers combing through his hair. Badger closed his eyes, his jaw clenched. Jesse leaned away and they looked into each other's eyes, both with tears, and they kissed softly.

"You wanna…keep going?" Badger asked, sniffing. Jesse nodded and they kissed again, this time Badger taking hold of the hem of Jesse's shirt and pushed it up. Jesse moved away and pulled his shirt off, then took hold of Badger's shirt.

"Uh, wait, dude.." he said, holding Jesse's hands still. Jesse frowned

"What's wrong?" he asked. Badger sighed, looking at him then down.

"You know…you're, like, really hot and I'm kind of…not." Jesse frowned.

"Dude, don't be getting all body image on me. I think you're hot." He said, Badger looked at him with a smile. "Now strip, I'm feeling self-conscious enough as it is.." he said, rubbing his wrist again, resisting the urge to cover his chest up again. Badger sighed and sat up, holding Jesse steady on his lap as he shifted, pulling off his own shirt. Jesse watched with a smile, helping him get it over his head. "See? Was that so hard?" Jesse asked, leaning forward, his hands moving over his chest and shoulders.

"Speaking of hard…" Badger said with a grin, glancing down. Jesse looked and saw they both had erections.

"Well shit.." he said, then looked at Badger again "No homo, bro." he said. Badger laughed and grabbed his ass, pulling him closer so their dicks met, making them both moan, and he kissed him wet and dirty. Jesse moaned against his mouth, his hands on Badger's shoulders. Badger smiled into the kiss and, holding Jesse to himself, moved forward. Jesse made a small noise, clinging onto him as he was lied down on his back. They parted and they looked at each other, panting.

"No homo…" Badger said with a grin and they kissed again.

**More to come soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jesse lay on his back on his sofa, Badger between his legs as they made out. He could feel his friend's hands on his back, wrapped around his waist. He was surprised by how gentle Badger's hands were, having expected him to be a little more heavy-handed like he was with everything else. Jesse wondered whether or not this bothered him, being treated like he was about to break.

He heard himself gasp when Badger shifted, their erections rubbing together through their jeans.

"Sorry, bro.." Badger said, looking a little sheepish under his blush. Jesse smirked and wrapped his hand around the back of his friend's neck, pulling him down for a kiss as he ground his hips up, making them both grunt. They parted and Jesse looked at Badger with a smile, licking his lips.

He pushed his hands down between them, blindly unbuttoning the larger man's jeans while Badger undid his own, his hot mouth trailing to Jesse's ear and lower to suck his neck. Jesse sucked in a breath, his body arching up slightly to meet Badger's, their chests firm against each other. Badger's hands were on Jesse hips, thumb massaging his sharp hipbones, then flicked up and pushed under his waistband. Jesse raised his own hips up and his jeans were slid out from under him.

His whole body twitched when a large, hot hand took hold of his erection, lips leaving his only to reappear on his neck. He kissed along his jaw then all the way down to his collarbone, nibbling at it and making Jesse shiver. He never got this sort of attention when he was with girls, it was usually him doing all the kissing – with the exception of Jane, who just got right down to it. Foreplay wasn't really her thing.

He heard the moan before he realised it had come from his own mouth, pleasure sparking through his whole body. He looked down to see Badger grinned him, poised over his chest.

"Shit, dude – that was awesome." he said before moving down again, taking one of Jesse's nipples into his mouth. The spark returned, then exploded when he felt teeth pinch at the erect bud, his back arching up and his voice escaping again, loud and unashamed. Badger's hands were all over him, everywhere at once, it was incredible.

"B-Badger…! Fuck- I'm gonna shoot my load…if you keep doin' that..!" he panted, his whole body alive with pleasure. He was pretty sure Badger was jerking himself off. "Hurry up, dude…!" he urged again, combing his fingers through the dark mop of hair. He heard a moan and Badger looked at him, his eyes clouded with lust.

"Dude, don't touch my hair, I will actually jizz in my pants..!" he said with a breathy laugh. Jesse hissed a laugh, sitting up slightly.

"You get off from your hair being touched? What do you do when you go to the barber's..?- Ahhh! Fuck..!" he gasped, grabbing a handful of sofa cushion when his friend's tongue dipped into his belly button, then to the skin just below it, the area alive with nerves.

"I jerk off afterwards, duh." He said, before pulling Jesse's underwear down, fully revealing him to the air. He sat up slightly to marvel at his friend's naked body. His chest was heaving with each panted breath, his erection proud and tight against his stomach. "Fuck, dude…!" he muttered, his eyes gazing over every inch of skin.

The freckles that dusted along his shoulders continued over his hips and thighs, there was a tiny tattoo of a star sat just above and to the right of his dick. Badger grinned and kissed it gently, his hand moving to grasp Jesse's bare cock.

Jesse moaned, a shiver running down his spine. He doubled over, his body curled around Badger's head as he panted, trying to stop himself cumming. Badger leaned up then and kissed Jesse deep, moving his hand slowly around the smaller man's cock.

Jesse gasped into the kiss, his hands moving up to rub against Badger's cock, finding it exposed and rock solid. The larger man hissed above him and they looked at each other, smirking.

"You got any, like, lube or anythin', bro?" Badger asked, panting slightly, his cheeks flushed.

"Uh, yeah… In the drawer, under the TV…" he said, pointing lazily. Badger smirked and got up, holding his pants up as he went over. He opened the drawer and let out a laugh, pulling out a small bottle of lotion, and a gay porn DVD.

"Dude.." he said, grinning at Jesse, his eyebrows raised in surprise. Jesse smirked, shrugging.

"What? I'm not about objectifying women, yo." He said and Badger chuckled, going back over to him

"But you're cool with objectifying men?" he asked, smirking. Jesse smirked and shrugged again, pulling him back down for another deep kiss. Badger hummed a small laugh, tugging Jesse's jeans and underwear off his ankles, where they were left scrunched down in their haste, then did the same him – both totally naked.

Jesse was grinning when they parted, his hand running heavily over Badger's thigh as he watched him pour some of the lube onto his fingers. "Ready, Jess?" he asked, and Jesse nodded, wrapping his legs around him again. Badger grinned and kissed him again, slipping his hand between Jesse's legs, lubed up fingers touching his entrance and making him gasp.

Badger parted their lips slightly, his breath hot over Jesse's face. "Ready?" he asked again. Jesse nodded, wrapping his arms around Badger's neck, his body tensing instinctively as one finger slowly pushed into him. He felt Badger's other hand rubbing up his left side, their mouth pressed together again almost chastely as he tried to soothe his friend.

Jesse pulled away with a gasp when the second one entered him, both pushed in knuckle-deep as moving slowly. The sting was there, like he'd expected, but the heat was much more presence.

"You good?" Badger asked him, looking down at him with those soft grey-blue eyes Jesse never really noticed before. He nodded, wriggling his hips slightly in the hopes of getting used to it sooner. It had been a while, it all felt a little weird.

"Yeah, I'm good…" he said, smiling at him. Badger grinned and kissed him again, moving his fingers slowly inside him, his other hand moving over Jesse's chest and stomach before taking hold of his cock, jerking him slowly in time with his fingers to make sure he stayed aroused. The third finger was added and Jesse saw white for a second, his voice escaping him without notice, his hips jerking.

"Whoa, dude…was that a good noise?" Badger asked, stilling his hands.

"G-good…good noise..!" Jesse panted, his eyes half-lidded and his mouth open and wet as he panted for breath "D-do that…again.." he said and Badger grinned, leaning down to kiss him before pressing his fingers upwards again, touching a ball of nerves that had made Jesse practically scream with pleasure. Jesse's whole body arched up, his voice coming out in the sexiest moan he'd ever heard. Badger grinned, kissing his chest.

"G-spot, huh? I thought that was a myth.." he muttered, making Jesse laugh throatily – a sound which never failed to send a jolt to Badger's dick.

"Prostate…but same basic principle.." he mumbled, his mouth lax with pleasure. "Ok…fuck- I think I'm ready…" he said, looking at his friend. The perfect eyebrows raised and his mouth became a grin, the hands disappearing from Jesse as he fought with the lube bottle, pouring a generous amount of his aching cock.

"Ok…is like this ok?" he asked and Jesse nodded, watching his with misty eyes. Badger, grinning like a fool, took hold of the back of Jesse's thighs and pulled them up and apart, tilting his hips to he'd have an easier time getting in. Jesse moved his hand down and guided Badger's cock towards himself, biting down on his lip when he felt the hot, blunt tip press against his hole.

Badger looked at Jesse, and he nodded, and Badger pushed himself forward.

The head entered with ease, but then a spark of pain hit Jesse and he immediately tensed up, his eyes closed as tears began to well. "Jess?" Badger's soft, husky voice asked and Jesse could only grab the hand on his leg, squeezing it as he rode out the pain.

The hand squeezed back, interlacing their fingers. "It's ok, baby.." he said and Jesse looked at him, surprised and pleased at the pet name. Badger smiled at him gently, leaning forward to kiss him, his hand back around his dick, keeping him interested.

"S-sorry…just go slower, ok..?" he asked in a shaky voice, Badger's chest against his making him feel better. He wrapped his arms around his neck and shoulder again, keeping him close as he stayed still, both adjusting to it.

"Fuck…" Badger huffed, his face bright pink and his eyes misty as he looked at his friend. "You're so tight, bro… I'm amazed you're not kicking me in the face right now – this must hurt so freaking much.." he said, frowning slightly. Jesse smirked slightly and kissed him again.

"It's not so bad…it'll feel amazing soon.." he said and Badger grinned, nodding. They only had to stay still for a moment longer before Jesse gave the go-ahead for Badger to go deeper. He nodded, spreading Jesse's legs wider as he slowly inched his way in.

Their hands stayed locked tight, Badger kissing his chest and neck and lips, trying to distract him from the obvious pain. His dick hurt a little from how tight it was, and he wasn't the one being penetrated. But Jesse took it like a champ – a totally horny, sexy champ who throbbed and twitched around him every time he touched his nipple or even said his name. Jesse was, in a word, beautiful.

Soon, Badger was completely inside his friend, arms wrapped around his waist as they made out, Jesse's legs spread wide by Badger's hands.

"Ok…I'm gonna…start moving now…ok..?" Badger asked, his breathing having deteriorated into shallow pants and shuddering breaths as Jesse continued to squeeze him harder than anyone he'd ever fucked. Jesse nodded his consent and Badger sat back on his own heels and began to move his hips, sliding out slowly and watching Jesse's expression as he pushed back in all the way. His mouth opened in a gasp which then became a moan, his body stretching and shivering with pleasure.

The next thrust had Jesse twisting slightly, his hips locked where Badger had them but his arms falling to his side, gripping one of the throw pillows tightly as he moaned loudly.

Badger felt a little lonely at that so he leaned down, wrapping his arms around Jesse's ribs and kissed him deep, moving his hips in a controlled, steady but deep pace, feeling Jesse's whole body reacting to it instantly.

His arms wrapped around his neck again, pushing his fingers into his thick hair, combing it thoroughly and making Badger go insane. He gasped into their kiss and moved away for a second just to catch his breath, very close to blowing his load right then. Jesse grinned at him mischievously, his fingers dragging over his scalp and watching his eyes close and his shoulder shudder as he felt it all the way down his spine.

_Two can play at that game… _Badger thought with a grin and leaned down to suck on Jesse's left nipple, curving his own back almost unnaturally to get to it. The desired affect was reached when he bit down on the hard, sensitive little numb and Jesse went impossibly tight around him, his back arching up into Badger as he spilled all over his own stomach, getting Badger a little in the chin.

The sudden tightness, plus the scream of pleasure that had ripped from Jesse's throat had Badger quickly following him, blowing inside Jesse and filling him with hot, thick cum. They both lay there panting, Badger resting heavily on top of Jesse, though didn't put his whole weight down for fear of crushing him.

"Holy…shit…!" Jesse gasped, his hands still resting limply in his friend's hair. Badger soon came to his senses, having almost blacked out from the power of his orgasm, and peered up Jesse lazily, resting his chin on his sternum.

"You're telling me.." he said with a grin, and they both laughed.


End file.
